You're my little dorito
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
