yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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