Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
