I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
