were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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