Got a toothbrush?
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
