just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
