Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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