You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
