just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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