I think my vagina is haunted
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
