she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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