In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My cat gives me a boner
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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