we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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