she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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