Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
