that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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