Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize