HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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