are you still at the devil's house?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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