I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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