i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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