Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
