i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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