I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
