apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
