fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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