It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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