This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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