I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
