just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
