Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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