So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
