why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I understand Curling. That high.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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