i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
