i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
