I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
