I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
