I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
