it was like his penis was on wheels.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
