At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
