I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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