I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
