Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
