she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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