GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
