i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
