I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize