I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
