That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
