That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
