Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
