She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
