you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
