only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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