Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
