you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
