I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
