i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
