the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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