You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
