Having a random hookup so left but love u
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
