after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
