"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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