Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
