its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
