I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
