my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
