Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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