hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
