I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
