Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
