recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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