3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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