I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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