somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
