I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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