we have officially lost it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
