so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
