I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
