she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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