Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
