dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
